Goucher College has a very defined demographic that, while diverse, has a few elements that are not likely to change. As a private, small liberal arts college a few miles north of Baltimore, Goucher consists of college students who would choose to attend such a school. This does not represent the majority of American society, or even Towson, Maryland. It is a community I am very passionate about working with and hopefully benefiting, but one that undeniably has a predictable demographic nonetheless.
On Saturday, I had the honor of attending a retreat for volunteers who help survivors of domestic violence and sexual abuse all over the Baltimore area. Most of these women were survivors themselves, and were just reaching a point in the healing process in which they wanted to give back. Many expressed a feeling that they survived and were given the strength to heal so that they could help others in similar situations. Since the majority of my work with domestic violence and sexual abuse thus far has been largely academically oriented, i.e. I am either reading a scholarly piece of work, meeting with college students, or asking for help from professors, this change of context had a huge effect on me. The room that day was saturated with insight and unimaginable experience that created an overpowering energy-- one which felt like the exact perfect equilibrium of warrior and nurturer.
We began the day with a yoga session led by one of the volunteers. I had done yoga many times before, but never did I understand this concept of yoga as spiritual. For me it had always been about exercise, flexibility, and sometimes, at best, it had meditative purposes. But this instructor knew how to tap into that energy and invite every person to help her reform it into total peace, strength, and understanding. One line that she said, while we were in savasana (a relaxation pose in which you completely ground yourself in the floor, lying on your back): “So much of the time you feel like you are holding the world. For this moment, let the world hold you.”
The entire day was rich with these little pockets of brilliance, but for confidentiality reasons I am not going to share any other direct quotations. Generally people talked about the need to reach out to children, about the importance of gathering, about the beauty of sharing a story, and about the human condition as one of natural counselor. Many of the ideas and thoughts stated that day had entered my mind before through scholarly journals and texts. Somehow, though, coming straight out of the mouth of a survivor, of a lived experience, without any editing, meaning was there as it had not been before. I found my soul place that day. My point of no return, of pure excitement and emotion, is when I am with those who have experienced what others cannot even bear to hear about. They may be sad, and horrifying, and many may not want to confront them, but I realized on Saturday that stories of trauma are gifts as well, to other victims as well as non victims who just need to receive them.
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